A Ticking Clock




‘I'm staring at the ceiling.
The clock, it won't stop ticking.
I feel like I've been sleeping for too long, now.
It's like my heart stopped beating,
And now I'm hardly breathing,
And I'm afraid of leaving, scared to break down.’
-Maddie Poppe (Going Going Gone)



Have you ever looked out the window of a car, watching in silent content at that never ending road as the verdure outside continues to rush past the glass in a blur of green?  Have you squinted up at that shining sun which casts a golden hue upon your over sensitized flesh, warming your skin straight down to the bone?
Did you take a deep breath, staring at the scenery outside moving too fast for comfort, wishing for the world to spare your eyes a moment to take in all of its beauty without the added drawbacks of a hasty retreat?
How about wanting to push the pause button on that stretch of sunlit suburban road?
To stop in the middle of that highway, flicking on a foot tapping tune that causes your heart to pound in ecstasy and your soul to burn in euphoria?
Perhaps you did.
So, “why didn’t you?”

He pushed his hair out of his eyes, staring up at the constellation of stars which glowed a pale green hovering just a few feet above his head.  They had been stuck onto an ivory colored backdrop in a manner which could’ve only appealed to a child.
A nostalgic repulsion filled the boy’s lungs as his eyes fell upon a stuffed Teddy, worn with age, seated upon a twin sized bed.  His mind flitted to a memory of his mother handing him the toy, her rosy lips whispering a soothing,” play with Teddy until I get back.  Momma loves you.”
Years later, and she still hadn’t returned.
Eyelids shut as the recollection came to a halt, a burn of tears in the back of eyes much wiser and older than the once eight year olds who had believed every word his mother had said.
He turned his head to the side, catching sight of the wooden door which lay to his left, whispering quietly under his breath,” what am I even waiting for?”

            They say that we all wait for opportunities to come knocking at our doors.
We wait for success, expecting it to be right around the corner.
We wait for the destination, wishing the climb was over in a snap.
We even wait for reality to sink in, so that our imaginations don’t run wild.
But is waiting really worth the while?
What if we made an opportunity instead of seeking one?
What if we succeeded out of pure will instead of expectation?
What if we enjoyed the climb instead of resenting it?
What if we dreamed bigger instead of narrowing our perspectives?
Suddenly life isn’t all about the wait.
No.
Life is meant to be explored, discovered, journeyed.
Life is meant to be lived.

Hope.
He was waiting for Hope.
He wished Hope could’ve knocked on his door, came in and helped him cook a meal, and then shared it with him as they sat on the couch, talking as if there were no tomorrow.
He wished Hope would’ve laid his hands upon his shoulder, looked him in the eye and told him that he was ‘there to listen’ when he asked him why ‘he was doing all the talking?’
He wished Hope would’ve told him who he’d be today so that he could go through the pain of yesterday knowing there would be a better tomorrow.
Sometimes, he could only wish Hope was watching, leaned up against the doorframe and maybe he just couldn’t see him.

            Stop measuring life by that ticking clock which hangs above your doorframe.
            Instead, start measuring it by the moments that matter. 
            By the music box that plays on your dresser every morning, waking you up to a rising sun.
            By the breeze that blows your hair back while you hike through the woods as a shower of rain drenches your being to the core.
            By the necklace lost on that Paris getaway, leaving you heartbroken as you waited for a date that never showed up.
            By the laughs that rang out on that Venetian Gondola ride, as you struggled to get out of the rocking boat without doing a face plant in the water.
            By the tears shed on that Cape Cod beach, where the saline from your eyes was lost amongst the ocean blue.
            By the smiles, the heartbreaks, the laughs and the sobs that wrench their way out of your lungs, leaving you emotionally exhausted but still satisfied in the oddest mixture of feelings.

            He pushed open that heavy teak door, feeling the sun warm his skin, a dazzling smile lighting his face as his feet sunk into dew covered grass.
            A laugh bubbled out of his throat, excitement filling his veins as his eyes darted, taking in a world left to explore.
                       
            Breathe.
            Bleed.
            Love.
            Live.
            From this moment on, stop ignoring and start feeling.
            Stop waiting and start living.

            The sun kissed his tresses as he drove his Chevy on that sunlit suburban road, feeling the breeze push back his hair and the warm breath of Hope emblaze his heart.
                         

                       




7 comments:

  1. Hello all you Justice Seekers! I’m glad to officially announce that my three month hiatus has finally come to an end:) Those of you who have kept up with my blog even after all this time, I love you guys! For those of you who haven’t, that’s okay, there’s still so much more to come. Don’t worry guys, I promise I haven’t been procrastinating for these past three months. In fact, I have some exciting news for you all!

    1.) I’ve started writing a new book. Spoiler Alert, it’s a total work of fiction, not at all like the content I post on this blog. So for all you novel reader’s out there, hopefully I’ll be done with it by the beginning of next year so that I can start putting it out there for you to get your eager hands on. And yes, I’ll definitely keep you updated on what it’s about without giving too much away;) First tidbit of information, the title is called ‘Die Again.’ Hope I’ve got you guys interested!

    2.) Moving on, this Summer I finally made myself an Instagram Handle! Yeah, I know, I’m late to the game, but it still excites me, call me an old soul if you will:) You can follow me @k.j.justice . I’ll be posting a lot of content based on my own journey, the blog, quotes, small write ups, maybe a couple of poems, but basically every aspect of my life that makes me, well, me. So, if you guys want to check that out, go right ahead.

    3.) The best part about social media is that we all can connect with each other. If any of you guys have questions to ask me, any suggestions for the blog or are just having an off day and need a bit of motivation, advice and positivity in your lives, feel free to message me on my Insta handle. Though, probably inform me first that you’ve found out about me through my blog, otherwise I’ll think you’re a stalker.

    4.) This is the first song to which I’ve put up a music video. Maddie Poppe, the recent American Idol winner, her new song is so awe inspiring it left me breathless. I absolutely fell in love with her lyrics. Do check it out.

    Thank you guys for sticking by this blog for as long as you have. Love you all!

    Spread the love. Always.

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  2. Another amazing post! But let’s talk about Die Again. I want an autographed copy of that book!!

    So proud of know you!

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    1. Oh my goodness! I'm overwhelmed with joy after reading your words! Thank you so much Rachael:) Lol, yes, I'm definitely planning on giving you an autographed copy! Can't wait to meet up in person, again, someday! Maybe, I'll give you some details on the book at that time;)

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  3. Awesome post! Always so inspiring and motivating. Extremely proud of you!! Keep writing and keep me posted :)

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    1. Thank you so much!!! I’m on top of the moon right now! I’m so glad that you enjoyed reading this:). Thanks, again, and i’ll definitely keep you updated!

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  4. Hey!!! This one is extremely inspiring. "Why didn't you" is really something to live by. We really shouldn't let our over thinking take over our life, as rightly said, is meant to live. Thank you so much for reminding me of this!!
    And yes, now I will finally be able to read Die Again from start to end! Really excited about it coming out as a proper book, all the best!

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    1. I’m so happy you liked this post The Secret Outcast:). And yes, you are definitely right in your insight. I’m excited about Die Again as well and for you as well as others to read it:). Thank you so much for reading this post and seeing it for the raw truth which it is:).

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