An I'm Only Human

‘Take a look in the mirror and what do you see?

Do you see it clearer, or are you deceived,

In what you believe?

Cause I’m only human after all.

You’re only human after all.

Don’t put the blame on me?’

- Rag’n’Bone (Human)

           

Sometimes you make mistakes.

Sometimes you don’t make the cut.

Sometimes you look at your reflection in the mirror and wonder ‘where did I go wrong’?

Failure.

Disappointment.

Letdown.

No.

What you are is human.

The mirror stares back at her silently, glowing in the pale light of the lamp hovering over her head.

Her eyes are red, one too many tears shed, running down her face in clear rivulets of hurt.

“What did I do wrong?” she wonders in a whisper, gazing at the prominent blues and blacks that taunt her with their livid blotches.

There are times when the world throws bricks at your form, expecting you to cower in fear. 

            Times when people slash your being with words that pierce through even the deafest of ears. Times when people give you hope, just to snatch it away in the blink of an eye.

 Silent screams lost amongst the crowd of ignorant acceptance of all the abuse.  Of all those words that leave you reeling, wanting to fight back, wanting to cry out to anyone who will listen.

            But how do you fight back, when no one wants to listen?  When all those stormy eyes threaten your insecurities and make you bite your tongue in vulnerability? When all those lips keep moving, but don’t actually hear a sound?

            How do you fight back, when no one is even listening?

            Her eyes burn with unshed tears, fingers trembling in silent fear as she unlocks the front door and watches silently as he enters with a dominant air.

            He barely glances her way before heading towards the counter, nodding towards the kitchen with a quick, “Get me something to drink.”

            Her limbs move even before she can comprehend the words completely.  The glass set atop the countertop is filled quickly and grasped in shaking hands as she makes her way towards his form.

            When her hand brushes against his as he grabs for the glass, she jumps at the sudden contact.  As though in slow motion, the cup plummets towards the tiled floor, shattering into a million pieces just like the world she sees through tear laced lashes.

            His grip on her hand becomes painful and she whimpers out an apology that ends with a crash and sudden silence.

            Don’t live your life bending to everyone else’s will.

Bending so far back that your spine is about to snap.

            Hold your head up and walk away from all those people who walked all over you and took you for granted.

            Walk away from all those people who made you worry when there was nothing to worry about.

            Who accused you of NOT TRYING when you spent half your life TRYING just for them.

Who told you, you can call them whenever you need while every time they chose to pick up the phone, they always told you they were TOO BUSY to talk.

            To text you back.

            To leave a voice message.

            To tell you, you meant something to them when you needed to hear it the most.

            She leaves him the next morning.

            The freedom she feels when she finally walks out of the prison that has held her captive for the past four years of her life is indescribable.

            Her eyes fill with tears that run down her face in small, wet rivulets.

            This time they are not from pain, but instead, from joy.

You are not weak for crying.

You are not wrong for disagreeing with the so called ‘norm’.

You are not a failure for making mistakes.

What you are is human.

You break.

            You bruise.

            You bleed.

            And yes, you feel emotion to.

            But that’s just what you are.

            One cannot change WHAT he or she is.  They can only alter WHO they are.

            So embrace the what, and figure out the who.

            And then smile, because life, well, life’s not that bad when you finally accept that you’re only human.

            She wasn’t a disgrace.

            Nor was she a disappointment.

            No.

            She was strength.

            Courage.

            Hope.

            What she was, was human.